Enough Is Enough - The Courage To Live In The Present

My wife was a legit runner “back in the day.”

Ran at the state meet multiple times. College competitor in the 800m on the track, and in cross country in the fall. Broke the school record at our NAIA college in her junior year. While only, 5’1” she ran with grit and grace. She was legit.

About 11 years after her great collegiate running career our family of five was riding in the car when I shared that I was planning on going for a run later that day, and if the older boys (7 and 6 years old) would like to ride their bikes they could go with me.

My wife (the former legit runner) shared that she may go for a run too and the same boys were welcome to join her.

Then my 6 year old son, Jacoby said it.

He didn’t mean anything by it. 

It was an innocent, 6 year old comment. I, to this day, don’t think he had any pre-meditated ill intent with his wording. But the comment hit hard for my wife, Ashley.

Jacoby said “No, mom. You’re not a runner. You’re a walker.”

“You’re a walker, mom.”

My wife’s head snapped around and she looked at the back of the car with a resolve I had seen many times in our nearly 12 years of marriage, but wasn’t expecting to see on this beautiful Sunday morning.

I began to fear for my 6 year old’s life as I stared straight ahead, preparing to negotiate a left-hand turn in crowded traffic. It wasn’t the traffic that frightened me, it was that he had just poked a bear without realizing it.

Mentally I was prepared to rattle off accomplishments I remember Ashley achieving in her running career if I had to testify on the stand in this upcoming argument between Ashley and our son. I was fully ready to get the powerpoint slides ready to teach my son how great of a runner she was and how ridiculous and off base his comment was.

But after making the left-hand turn (safely) and proceeding down the street, changing lanes and flowing with traffic I realized Ashley wasn’t defending herself. I noticed she wasn’t arguing with him. She wasn’t making points like a courtroom lawyer. In fact, she wasn’t saying anything at all.

The first movement she made after a few minutes of silence was to grab her phone. She pulled out her debit card and began entering the number as if making a purchase. 

I asked what she was doing.

“Signing up for the Columbus Half Marathon in October.”

We both laughed and began to engage in a totally different conversation than what I thought was coming. 

“He’s right.” She said, “He’s never actually seen me run. All he knows, is me walking since he was born.”

“All he knows me as is a walker. I need to change that.” She said, and thus began my wife’s journey to running again.

Enough is Enough

At the time my wife was about 8 months postpartum after delivering our third boy over the last seven years. She hadn’t been running a lot in Jacoby’s lifetime, not because of apathy or laziness, or casual drifting. 

She’s been giving her energy elsewhere a lot over the last seven years. To me, to our three boys, and to her students in school.

More than once in those years she had tried to get back into the swing of things with running. But demands, fatigue, and shifting priorities kept pulling her away from running. 

It was almost like Jacoby’s innocent comment out loud spoke for many years of internal thoughts Ashley had had as she wrestled with the reality of the many changing dynamics that come with personal leadership and new roles in life. 

Her head snapped with such a strong reaction because it was an external affirmation to an internal battle… “You’re a walker, mom.”

What do we do when we’re confronted with a reality we don’t like? 

Ashley could have got into a heated argument with my son, demanding respect and adoration for a lifetime of running achievements that pre-dated his lifetime. 

She could have blamed him and his brothers (and me) for all the added responsibility that was placed on her life. 

She could have made all of us in the car feel bad for the many ways she has sacrificed for our family and that how she feels internally is really all our fault.

She didn’t do any of that. 

She took the conversation, sat with all the emotions and channeled it into action she could control. She had had enough with all the trying and began to transition into a training mindset. 

And with that, she began to build to a Half Marathon that she completed this past weekend in Columbus. 

The training didn’t go perfectly. There were ups and downs. Low sleep nights with a 10 month old. Boys who need our time and attention. 10 days out she got a head cold that made things worse. And on the day of the race it was a torrential downpour in Columbus.

Despite all the disruptions, she stayed in the present, leaned into less than perfect circumstances and kept going. She kept smiling. Like the happy fearless warrior she is.

Most of us spend our lives re-living what we’ve done in the past or pre-living what we’re “gonna do someday.” 

Very few, have the courage to live in the present. Build where we’re at and change the story we’re living into especially when the story is not serving us (or others) very well anymore.

Ashley leaned into the present reality and changed the story through her actions.

Who’s a runner now, Jacoby?

What internal story are you living into that needs to go? 

We’re all susceptible to living the wrong story. Labeling yourself this or that. Reliving past failures, overemphasizing limitations and imperfections, seeing the negative in every scene, worrying about things in the future that no one else is even looking at, replaying your own highlights from a long time ago, reliving irrelevant successes that no one else even remembers.

It’s all a ploy to distract us from the present. The mental and emotional vices that distract us while we drift away from flourishing in the present.

We flourish, not in record times, past successes, future proclamations or grand plans.

We flourish in the present. Taking action. Living with intentionality toward the things that are important to us. Embodying virtues more than we teach virtues.

Be mindful of the story you’re living. If you don’t like the story, what can you do that’s in your control to change it?

Stay The Course,