The Best Coaches and Leaders Create Safety

During the 2024 NCAA Wrestling Championships, Penn State wrestler Mitchell Messenbrink was in the back tunnel preparing to compete. 

Under the stands, tucked away in the quiet before the chaos in a sold out T-Mobile Arena with nearly a half a million viewers tuning in via ESPN telecast. Messenbrink and Penn State assistant Casey Cunningham were preparing for battle. 

Messenbrink’s opponent was the defending national champion, David Carr.

To say this was the biggest moment of Mitchell’s wrestling career would not be an understatement. He’s been working to be an NCAA national champion since he was 5 years old. 

In this tense moment, here he is, on the cusp of achieving a lifelong dream.

In the final seconds before running out of the tunnel, Penn State assistant coach Casey Cunnigham whispers some final words.

As a coach & leader, what would you say moments before the big moment? Moments before contact. Moments before the battle to end all battles. Moments before putting it all on the line in the biggest, most pressure packed 7 minutes of your athlete’s life.

For Cunningham, his final words weren’t what most coaches or leaders would say. Most would use the chance to provide just one more instruction or expertise.

“Hey watch out for his attack on your left leg..”

“Hey, make sure you stay in your stance.”

“Make sure you do X or Y.”

“Remember all you sacrificed to get here.”

“Above all else, stay focused out there.”

Or worse..

“Hey, remember what’s at stake here.. Win this and you’ll achieve your dreams. Lose this and your dream slips through your fingertips.”

When coaches and leaders say statements like these it’s often not the athlete they are serving - it’s themselves. We’re looking to fill the awkwardness of silence. We’re looking to find a way to control the situation when it’s really out of our control. We’re looking to ease our own nerves - instead of the athlete.

For Casey Cunningham, we see an entirely different approach and one that shows a level of coaching and leadership mastery that is rare.

What were his final words to his wrestler before the biggest moment of the season?

“I love you.”

What an odd time to express affection between coach and athlete. Or is it?

It may actually be the best time to drop a line like that?

Because Casey Cunningham recognizes when you’re moments from impact - you aren’t coaching X’s and O’s anymore. You’re coaching nervous systems. 

There is always going to be an element of X’s and O’s and strategy associated with winning. But few coaches seem to have the strategy for helping an athlete address their nervous system when it matters most. 

Coaching Nervous Systems

Our nervous system is created to seek safety and avoid threats. In stressful situations our mind and body is in a threat response beyond basic nerves or “butterflies.” Our body tightens, breath shortens, tension makes us move and think rigidly versus loose and free. 

We’ve talked about the Yerkes-Dodson Law in the past on the podcast and in this newsletter. But it is worth revisiting if you find yourself wanting to get a deeper understanding of what your athletes are going through. 

What is most important for us to understand about Yerkes-Dodson Law is that there are essentially three zones performers can land in. Lethargic, “asleep”, lacking attention or intensity. Maybe you can recall an old coach yelling that you and your teammates need to “wake up.” This experience would be on the far left of the inverted U. 

The second zone is the optimal zone for high performance. Optimal intensity, matching the task at hand. Pure and complete focus. The conditions that best lead to being in a flow state. 

The third zone is on the far right of the inverted U bell curve. The far right zone of the bell curve is overaroused. We are overly anxious and it leads to poor execution and performance. 

When you’re about to walk out to a sold out arena, 7 minutes from achieving a life long dream it is highly unlikely that a performer is under-aroused. In fact, all of human nature would say moments from the big moment our mind/body is slammed to the far right of the inverted U curve. Unless of course, the athlete and the coach have the necessary tools to shift the inner reality to the middle. 

This shift looks different for each athlete and is what makes Coach Cunningham’s words so powerful. He knows his athlete. He’s been through the fire with his athlete. He’s challenged his athlete. He’s pushed his athlete. Now it’s time to release this athlete and together surrender the outcome. 

There’s no better way to surrender an outcome as a coach than to say “I love you.”

Messenbrink is 45 seconds from running onto the mat and competing (again in the highest stakes he has ever experienced) and Cunningham’s final words were few but loaded with meaning.

Three Words

Here’s what he’s really saying with those three words.

“I’m committed to you even if you fail.”

“Our relationship and collective pursuit is not contingent on you succeeding.”

“You are not alone as you face this challenge - I’m right here.”

“You and I have a bright and hopeful future together.”

“This is fun”

“You’re safe here.”

What was Messenbrink’s response?

He smiled. 

Smiles mean you are under control. Smiles mean joy in all circumstances. Smiles mean some sense of “relaxed.” Smiles along with focus indicate optimal arousal and primed for optimal performance. 

Smiles are for Happy, Fearless, Warriors.

Messenbrink would go on to lose to David Carr in 2024. A year later he claimed his first NCAA national title with an 8-2 decision over Iowa’s Michael Caliendo. Two weeks ago he avenged his loss to David Carr with a 16-6 victory at the U.S. Open.

His coach in the corner - Casey Cunningham. 

The best coaches and leaders create safety. (And of course - challenge).

Stay The Course,