Leadership Is Lonely - Pick Up The Phone

After becoming the youngest coach in NFL history to win a Super Bowl during the 2021 season, Coach Sean McVay of the Los Angeles Rams was in a funk.

Just one year after climbing the mountain to the top and being the biggest coaching leader in the sports world, Sean McVay and the LA Rams went 5-12 in a disastrous 2022 season. 

It’s not that he “mailed it in” in 2022. It’s just that it is so hard to maintain that level of excellence in a league as competitive as the NFL.

McVay was exhausted. He said in an article in The Athletic, “You’re in the middle of a storm. It’s real gray; things are cloudy.”

Maybe you can remember a time as a coach or leader where things got this cloudy. It’s a lonely feeling when things aren’t clicking. Few people understand the weight of being the top leader in a struggling situation.

Things got so bad for McVay that he contemplated quitting the coaching profession, just one year after becoming the youngest coach to win a super bowl in league history. 

As McVay staggered to the end of January in 2023 he received a voicemail.

“Sean, this is Chris Petersen calling. I am the former head coach at Boise State and the University of Washington… I’ve just been thinkin’ about ya. I know you’re going through some hard times..”

McVay called Coach Petersen back and the two struck up a multiple year long relationship corresponding every few weeks, far less football talk than you’d think, far more life talk. The former Boise State and Washington University football head coach, Coach Petersen knows a bit about burnout, stress, and the loneliness of coaching and leadership.

After becoming the fastest FBS coach to reach 100 wins, Coach Petersen walked away from it all in December of 2019. Despite consecutive 10 win seasons in 2017 and 2018, Petersen found himself sliding and out of energy. Toward the end of the season he retired and surprised everybody, himself included. 

Now years later, in 2022 after seeing Sean McVay looking the same way he had in press conferences, he realized he needed to do something. 

So he picked up the phone. And I’m sure Coach McVay is glad he did. 

Pick Up The Phone (And Call Someone)

Here’s a sobering exercise. If you’re an iphone user follow this prompt. 

Settings > Screen Time 

Take a look at your daily average. 

Now look deeper into each week and begin to assess how much of that daily screen time was spent actually connecting with real people. 

How much of that time was spent by initiating contact with someone with the following opening statements.

“Hey I thought of you the other day..”

“I saw ____ the other day and wanted to reach out..”

“Following the season, how are you holding up?”

“Just checking in, call me back when you’re free to chat.”

Americans on average spend about 5 hours and 16 minutes on their phones each day. Yet often the natural flow doesn’t seem to include near the same intentionality as Chris Petersen. Are we using these devices or are they using us?

Increase Your Impact

I’ve yet to meet a high performer or leader who doesn’t want to increase their impact. The problem is we often think it’s going to take a grand effort to be impactful. Something big. Something loud. 

Big swings of focus and determination. Leading with a big vision, bold accountability, grandiose speeches. There’s many ways to make an impact. 

Quite possibly the lowest hanging fruit for impact these days is to pick up the phone and make a phone call.

Who doesn’t want to hear that someone thought about them?

What lonely leader couldn’t benefit from 45 minutes to talk to someone they trust?

Don’t overcomplicate it. Sit for a moment before moving on from this newsletter and think of 5 names that came to mind over the last week that you haven’t talked to in awhile.

Write them down 1-5. 

Call them.

Don’t sell anything. Don’t promote anything. Don’t network for a job. Don’t make the conversation all about you. 

Just call for the sake of calling. Because that’s what a supremely confident person does. Someone who is more concerned with giving than getting. It takes a lot of security to utter Chris Petersen’s words,

“I’ve been thinking about ya.”

But, you’re too busy to pull that off today? Got too many things to get to. Can’t spare the time in this fast paced leadership endeavor. Gotta “seize the day.”

What’s that screen time number on your iphone about then? Maybe there’s more time resources available than you think?

If we’re so busy then why does so much of our life get sucked up on these phones while people we care about and can encourage languish in loneliness?

I thought connecting with people was what this job was all about? 

5 names

Write them down 1-5. 

Call them

Let me know how it goes. Bet you both leave recharged and connected to your why. 

Stay The Course,