Let Them See You Struggle

A few weeks ago I spent the day with the District Leadership team at a school district here in Columbus, Ohio. The group of 20 spent some time discussing the impact of stress on our leadership alongside engaging in some tough team building activities.

One of the team building exercises consisted of a series of fitness relays. Lunges 50 yards down and back. Sprints down and back. Back pedal down and back, and the hardest challenge in the relay was the bear crawling down and back. Nobody wanted to do that leg of the relay.

I was amazed when I saw the Superintendent of the district not only participating in the exercises but willingly opting in for the toughest challenge. He self-selected to do the bear crawl portion of the relay. 

Minutes later he is lying face down completely exhausted, grimacing in pain, and soaked in sweat while his teammates (his employees nonetheless) cheered and encouraged him.

There’s a temptation when you’re leading to “keep up appearances.” Always appear noble, composed, secure, confident. The idea seems to be rooted in the concept that strong leaders look strong all the time.

In reality, a strong leader displays their strength the most when they share the human elements behind the leader. When genuine, the strongest display of leadership may be when you’re actively suffering. 

Last week I came across a clip of Utah Jazz owner, Ryan Smith and head coach Will Hardy running sprints in an empty arena - WITH the players.

Down and back the billionaire businessman and millionaire head coach ran with the players. A player said to the camera.. “Yeah.. Owner… Head coach.. It’s a little different… what you’re seeing is culture.”

A leader doesn’t build culture at the lecture podium. They build it as they whole-heartedly live the collective values alongside the people they lead.  Much like this superintendent, they didn’t work hard to prop up a put together image. Instead, their teams were given the visual of what “all in” looks like.

This process isn’t just reserved for physical feats of conditioning or strength. Flourishing leadership is not limited to physique or the body. It’s mental, emotional, and spiritual as well.

Seattle Seahawks head football coach, Mike Macdonald recently opened up in vulnerability in a full team meeting that he spent many years fighting imposter syndrome. 

“One thing I’ve really shifted my mindset on. Early in my career, especially calling plays, early in my career I called the game not to lose the game. If I’m really honest with myself, I did that too often. My first year here I still felt like I had that mentality. How do we just not screw this up? My life was kind of a hedge. Do I really feel like I’m supposed to be here? I’m trying not to lose it. At some point last year it shifted. How do I call and manage this game to win the game? There’s a difference. It’s so much easier for me to call plays to win - because I just trust you guys.”

Every single player in the room had his eyes locked on to Coach Macdonald. They were locked in. That’s what human vulnerability can do. It draws people in. “Coach struggled with playing it safe? I’m struggling with that too!”

In this era of artificial intelligence and artificial leadership - it’s a race to be human. If you’re not leading from your humanity why should you have the role instead of a faster, more efficient AI bot?

Your humanity is your distinguishing quality. How can it be on display more? 

By letting them see you struggle. This isn’t a call for personal instability. It’s not a recommendation to turn every meeting into a group counseling session where you’re an emotional wreck.

But if you want more out of your people. More effort, more focus, more grit, more vulnerability. You’ve got to bring it first.

Let them see you struggle. 

Stay The Course,